Husband and father got off too easy. You can only try so hard for someone who won't show up for you, so I don't think she should feel as bad about it as she does. She did try. She knocked and no one answered for 5 years. How many more years would it have taken her husband to be upfront if she hadn't mentioned divorce?

Mother holding people accountable for making her daughter feel like a prop/afterthought is the best.